(Wo)Man Down

I debated checking in tonight. I’m curled up with my heating blanket with dinner (consisting of wine and chocolate) feeling quite sorry for myself.

But the way I’m feeling is part of the journey, and I’m hoping that tonight, wait – this week, is considered the valley of this journey. I’m hoping that I will come out of this funk, and the next two months will be a positive experience, and I will get back on track.

Let me explain.

Two weeks ago I tweaked my knee on my long run, when I was running post swim with a group of quite accomplished athletes. It was ego, I know. Even as we headed into the final 3K, I told myself I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. My pace should have been at least a minute slower than theirs. But the sun was shining, I just killed 2000M in the pool, the day before I ran a PB and was still flying high, and we had sun. Sweet, glorious, magnificent sun. I COULD do it. A big difference between if I SHOULD, I realize now.

Long & slow, Zone 2. I know better.

I decided that rest was the best bet and to take a little breather from running. I had some mild pain training for a marathon last year, and taking it easy for a week or two fixed me right up. I was hoping this would have the same effect.

The first few days of deciding not to run were torture. It seemed that the sun came out, and every single person that could run, was outside Maple Street, doing hill repeats past my window. I was proud of those strangers, I knew they were likely training for the Blue Nose Marathon, but more so, I was envious. I’ve never been injured before, so this is a new experience for me. I’ll admit it, I hate hill repeats, but I would give almost anything to be able to do them (injury free) right now.

As you can tell, I’m down. There has been frequent napping, tears, and questioning why I’m evening doing this. I’ve put in 180 hours of training since late fall. I’ve read books, purchased gear, put the rest of my life on hold, essentially. I’ve started comparing myself to where I thought I would be, other athletes and well, you can imagine what that does to the psyche. Tonight I was close to tears during an FTP test that I bombed.

I can’t decide if this negativity, weakness and a continuous desire for spicy Doritos are all a result from a minor injury or if I’m burning out. I’m hoping to figure it out soon. I have ten weeks left in my training plan.

So, I think it’s safe to say I need some professional help. Once I make it through my 14 hour workday tomorrow, it will be Thursday’s priority #1. My foam roller and avoiding running all together is not a plan that will get me to the 70.3 race feeling confident. (Goal #1) This is how people fall off the fitness wagon (Fear #1) I’m not sure how to approach the rest of this week…. I’m hoping to set up an appointment with a reputable sports physiotherapist, someone who understands the importance of training. And perhaps?,can just solve this problem for me!

I’ve essentially kept up with my biking, swimming and strength training program but completely ceased running. I can feel small amounts of pain at certain times I’m biking and doing squats, so I’m not getting better. I’m not sure if I need a few days off to reset and refocus, or if I should jump in the pool bright and early tomorrow. The next glass of wine shall help me make that decision.

Thank you for indulging me. I have so many things to be thankful for in my life, it’s a shame to get caught up in self-pity.

“Self pity is the sworn enemy of your ambition. It is the number one killer of your aspirations and goals. Give it a foothold in your life and you’ll chase away every dream, dreamt and every friend, befriended.” 
― Jason VerseyA Walk with Prudence

Here are some things, over the past month, that have made me happy and I am incredibly grateful for:

(I call this hitting the reset button!)

swimming 30 years

Thankful for having my mother insist that I know how to swim. 30 years of swimming at Centennial Pool! Great companions too.

gym

Having access to an empty gym. Small win, but a perfect break in the middle of my workday

family

Visits with family over beautiful meals, wine and great conversation.

backyard and men

A sunny backyard with space to garden, and the love of these two

lamb

Meeting this guy. Dad took his girls out to see the farm after Easter dinner and I fell in love.

first bike ride

The first outdoor bike ride of the season with some excellent company and sunshine.

hfx skyline

This view and the amazing city I am blessed to call home

friends

These amazing girl friends that make me laugh and teach me about raclette. Everyone should know about raclette and have friends that make you laugh so hard you cry.

sheets

Crawling into bed with fresh sheets that have been hung to dry. Nothing feels and smells quite like it.

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